childofpolitics

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 16:13:31 GMT

dear livejournal,
if you don't knock it off with the stupid ads that take up the whole screen that you can't click out of for 30 seconds i'm going to stop using you.
what's wrong with a nice little ad bar on the side, huh? this full screen shit is fucking annoying.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:57:31 GMT

laura marling- new romantic
utah green- diamond road
slaraffenland- long gone
born ruffians- kurt vonnegut
panda bear- take pills
oh no ono- the tea party
danger mouse and sparkle horse feat. julian casablancas- little girl
ninja of the month club
mustache of the month club
www.tazzors.com
wing cards

</a

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 03:16:11 GMT

pumpkin silk with a shot of rum is quite yummy
i have no more nipple rings and my boobs are much happier for it
i have also decided that i am not going to apply to any art schools for the fall
i will go to community college to that i can have more time and $$ to build a portfolio and then apply to schools once i have completed my AA
there is pumpkin pie and banana nut bread baking in the oven together and the combination of smells is a total nosegasm

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 04:31:20 GMT

so today i sat around watching a movie about a teenage drug dealer while making shoes out of mod podge and paper mice and i have just finished covering my left boob in string soaked in mod podge seeing if it will...well i don't know what really. just seeing what it will do to see if any cool sculptures could come of it. while i do this i'm looking up wedding photos for no real reason seeing as how im not getting married any time soon.

it has just struck me that not many other people have done these things today. i am a weird kid. i am okay with that.

tomorrow i plan to dive back into the wonderful work of plaster casting my bod.
get ready boobs.

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 19:29:52 GMT

i want to live in oregon or washington.
i've decided.
god dammit.

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 20:55:47 GMT

so i have no friends.
i'm sure people reading this are like "omg what she is taking about? i'm her friend"
but most of my good friends either live far away like rachael or danille and then there's people like kaleigh and nicole who i used to be close with but i almost never see b/c they're always busy doing other stuff and drinking and going out to things that i'm never invited to.
when something crazy happens i can tell ari or my mom.
when i'm bored i do something with ari.
but if i ever want to go out and do something with a bunch of friends or even a few friends or even just one friend.... nobody is ever there.
i don't mean to be all emo, it's just reality.'
the other weekend i was getting so restless i almost just drove up to gainesville to see my mom for no reason.
whatever.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 03:46:15 GMT

i'm gonna sell all of my shit on ebay

problem solved

new specs

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:21:52 GMT

just ordered these bad boys today
soooo excited for them to come in the mail so i can get new lenses!

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:23:08 GMT

this paycheck is going to be a gift from jesus christ himself

lordy lordy i needs it bad

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:02:17 GMT

sometimes things are just too much for everybody

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:51:26 GMT

i have never wanted to go to college
ever
but i went because that's what you do

even if you have some crazy fantasy dream job that requires no actual degree in anything you're still told that you should get a degree anyway "just in case"

the summer before my freshman year i thought i really wanted to be a tattoo artist. the reasons for this goal should be obvious to anyone who knows me. why the fuck didn't i immediately drop everything and start drawing my ass off? talk to local shops about the process, do internet research, do fucking anything to make that goal a reality? i was dreading have to go to school but i went BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.

when i was in high school i really wanted to go to art school, but i was talked out of it by my guidance counselor. "it's expensive and not at all practical" HOW MANY FUCKING MOVIES AND TV SHOWS DO YOU PEOPLE WATCH EVERY FUCKING DAY THAT WERE MADE BY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO WENT TO FILM/ART SCHOOL??? no no no what i was told to do was to go to a regular ol' university and do something cheaper and more"practical"

it's bullshit all of it. why is it that more schools are offering more AP science classes while art budgets or sometimes entire art and music programs are being cut left and right? that's sure as hell how it was at my school. i'm not saying non art related disciplines aren't hurting, but someone is CLEARLY playing favorites

but this is not about art

it's about the way we are raised to think

work hard and find the safe job. the stable job. the well paying job. the boring job. just make fucking money and that's all.

well guess what. against everyone's advice and i said fuck this stupid "liberal arts" bullshit institution and went to go do what made me happy. i fucking love my job and the reason i'm going to art school is to try and be better for this job. you can say a ceramic studio or a boutique or small galleries or whatever is a silly and risky choice, but it makes me happy. i feel like i reach out to my campers more than any nasty teacher ever did. not to rag on school teachers, some of them are WONDERFUL people, but really...why do most people become school teachers? cuz they like kids...no. it's safe. how many teachers do you ever remember having that seemed REALLY HAPPY to be grading your worksheets? god and high school teachers are the worst...okay..wait..lemme back off the teachers....THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM IS A JOKE. free education is a wonderful thing, but the way it teaches us to think and prioritize in terms of ourselves and the knowledge we can gain and the ways in which we can use the resources we are given is sooo fucked up!

if you want to be a chef but find yourself going to school for philosophy b/c you think you need a degree to have something to say for yourself and not because you actually really want a degree in philosophy then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? get the fuck out and go to culinary school (I LOVE YOU ABBIE)

again this is not about the way art in particular has been shafted, but it's what i care about most

okay i'm totally getting off track here but i do that when i get really excited about something

okay so my point is that if what you are doing right now does not give a sense of ABSOLUTE JOY then FUCKING STOP DOING IT! drop out of school, quit your job, change your major, have that meeting with your boss about that new position opening up...whathefuckever it is...just do it! do not do the safe or the practical thing or the thing you're only doing b/c it's "expected of you" or the thing that you're only doing b/c you think it will make you the most money and not b/c you really love it........STOP FUCKING DOING ALL OF IT. i really really really really mean this.

i am broke as hell from trying to put myself through school for two years only to leave b/c i was miserable and guess what i'm doing now? going back and doing what i wanted to do all along before i ever gave in to do the practical thing or to have what feels like never ending debt for what??? i could have avoided all of that if i had only just done what i had wanted to do.

fuck at one point i almost dropped out for cosmotology school and shit it's still an option. i would fucking love to do that! why did i lose that?
whyyyyy
b/c we are told it's not a "career"

oh there are so many out of work actors
oh there are so many out of work tattoo artists
oh there are so many out of work pastry chefs

well guess fucking what world THERE ARE SO MANY OUT OF WORK EVERYTHINGS INCLUDING DOCTORS AND LAWYERS AND ALL THE LIMITED BULLSHIT THAT WE'RE MADE TO BELIEVE ARE THE ONLY REAL THINGS WE SHOULD GROW UP TO BE

not to hate on being a teacher or a doctor or a lawyer or anything else, but if that's not you and it's not what you want then don't let anyone tell you those are the only options

i have so many friends who lie to their parents about their major
and i can't remember the amount of times my parents warned me about having a "back up plan"

and i could talk in circles about this is drives me so fucking crazy

but for realzzzzz my niggas

do what you love
be happy
and just fucking GO FOR IT

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 00:08:08 GMT

today i did a few sketches and some prep work for an altered book i'm working and then i took photographs to a drawing i'm going to do with soft pastels and i finished a rough draft of my statement of interest for my application and e-mailed it to my mama to proof read

i'm overwelmed and excited all at the same time

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:58:00 GMT

i'm going to have to stop drinking coffee.....

i don't know what to do with myself

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:00:29 GMT

today i bought a new sketch book and 5 giant sheets of colored drawing paper

let's hope they're not still all blank and shoved under the couch by this time next week

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:20:05 GMT

you know, for my favorite holiday, i'm really starting to fucking hate halloween

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:28:14 GMT

no more taco bell.....ever

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:31:43 GMT

i'm not comfortable with so many things being up in the air. the last time i can remember feeling like this was....never. i've always known what i've wanted to do with my life. i mean, the end goal has been changed, but the clear cut direction was always there. at 16 i was going to moved out right when i turned 18 and go to uf. at 17 i was going to go to scad and major in film and be friggin famous then a little later while still 17 i decided i was going to runaway from home and go to fau for anthropology and then join the peace corps after that. at 18 i was going to double major in art and anthropology and then go to nyu for costume design and then open up my own boutique. at 19 i was going to work full time at gvg until i saved up enough money to open my own. now..at 20...so many fucking things could happen and i don't like it. i supposed so many fucking things can ALWAYS happen, but lack of plan makes me so uncomfortable. i'm planning on applying to about 5 different schools and what schools i get into combined with what schools ari gets into will affect where i actually move to. so on top of not actually knowing where i'm gonna live this time next year, we could be moving as soon as march due to leases and what not.

soo.... this time next year i will either be...
right here
in gainesville living with rachael
in new york city

other possibilities...
chicago
savannah
these too most likely not, but i do plan on applying to art schools there

so 5 possibilities coupled with moving as early as march and as late as august andddd...

i'm freaking out about all of it

dear self

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 01:27:14 GMT

today i promise to longer leave the house looking like such a bum.

i haven't showered in 2 days and i threw on the first clean thing i could on ari's floor to run to work

unacceptable!

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:12:23 GMT

i really miss being involved in things. in high school i felt like i was off every weekend doing something with FBLA or YLJ or one of the other 127129873198 clubs i was in at one point or another. i haven't been up to date on world events or done anything productive with any organizations in what feels like a century. i really want to go to this young dems conference in orlando in november, but i know that instead of doing that i should save my money and pay bills instead. it's just frustrating. if anyone knows of anybody at FAU who would be interested in rebooting the unicef campus initiative then let me know b/c i would totally help pass on all of my info and free goodies plus i would love to stay involved and help organize events within the community. that may seem weird, but we actually raised over $300 last year for unicef and i'm really proud of that considering our club was composed of only a few broke and stressed out college kids. i want to help do that again. there's a lot of other things like keeping up with my art and picking up my violin again that would be nice, but it's amazing how much time is consumed in money matters..well....lack of money matters. it's ridiculous how much it costs to maintain an art form. i know there's my own practice, but fuck i give a lot of credit to anyone who is self taught at anything cuz it's fucking hard. ugh well.... good news is i only owe the school about $100 more and my step-moms insurance paid $200 towards some of my medical bills which barely covers anything but it's certainly helpful. bad news is my student loan bills starting coming in in about 3 weeks. yipee. time to go shake my ass and my ceramics for some tips.

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 22:20:51 GMT

i really should have seen this coming

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:52:44 GMT

i know what i want and god dammit i'm gonna get it

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:25:21 GMT

being an independent single young person is fucking ridic

first when i was in school i couldn't get any money b/c fafsa doesn't give a fuck if you're financially independent unless you're emancipated so i got shitty loans that didn't cover anything and nobody would help me get something better
now that i am no longer a student i can't get health insurance with my families plans and i think i may have found something decent for a reasonable price each month, but zomg

it's fucking studpid
god forbid a teenager is trying their hardest to make it on their own
what the fuck is so bad about that?

i am now a homeless drop out with no health insurance
just living the american dream people

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:46:19 GMT

a few thoughts for today...

i would love it if god herself could explain to me why modest mouse is just soooo fucking good

also, i am getting a medusa

also, ABBIE i am proud of your newfound superbitchness and i am excited for your upcoming vacations!

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 21:25:57 GMT

Kansas City was amazing! Well, not AMAZING, but I feel like I learned a lot about myself as well as how to deal with other people. Now I'm super busy trying to catch up with everything at the studio. Currently taking a break. Whew!

As more time goes by, the more I realize that leaving FAU was really the best decision for me. Money is not so hot yet, but my stress level is at zero...well, almost. I've come to realize that people are not worth fighting for. That seems kinda awful when I type it out like that, but if somebody wants to be a part of your life they should pick up the damn phone! That goes for family or friends who the fuck ever. I don't care how much somebody claims to love or care about you. If they can't at least do their best to take a few seconds of their time to show it then it doesn't mean a damn thing. I'm just gonna continue to live my life and try and get my act together and climb out of this hole of debt and maybe someone will care enough to see how I'm doing along the way. I'm done with one way relationships.

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 02:52:53 GMT

latest mission. save go van gogh.
from what?
the tanking economy.
they say there's hope on the horizon, but tiny businesses are still dying.
we shall overcome my friends.

SO COME OUT AND PAINT!